baby

What Finland Can Learn from the Dutch

5 September 2017
By

We’ve gone Finnish! Our Finnish publisher Siltala translated our book and invited us to come right on over to their side of the pond – Helsinki, Finland. And we gladly accepted!

We even managed to spot our book in a local bookstore downtown, have some honest talks about parenting with new friends, and immerse ourselves in Finnish culture.

What could the Nordic countries (Finland, Denmark, Iceland, Sweden, Norway) learn from the Dutch? They too have a very similar parenting philosophy – the importance of outdoor play, emphasis on play-based learning for babies, toddlers and kindergartners, and age-appropriate independence.

Finnish Journalist Anu Karttunen’s “Dutch Children are the world’s happiest – 5 things that differ from the Finnish Approach ” lends us her insight. Here are some things that we’ve learned the Dutch do differently, and the Finnish people can get inspiration from:

Mothering the Mother
Nowhere in the world is “mothering the mother” taken more seriously than in the Netherlands. Each mother is entitled to a maternity nurse at home to help her with taking care of her newborn and postpartum recovery. Sorry, Germany and the United Kingdom – though nurses do come by the house to do medical checks on a newborn baby and the recovering mother, they do not go Dutch – cooking, cleaning, teaching parents how to take care of the baby and allowing mom to get some rest.


Work-Life Balance
The Dutch Center for Statistics once again confirmed what most of us already know – the Dutch, by pure choice, work the least amount of hours in the entire European Union. On average, Dutch men work thirty-six hours a week and women work twenty-six. According to the researchers, because of the high productivity of the Dutch, they can work much less. Personally, I also think that the Dutch pragmatic approach to thrifty living and comparatively generous social system (from an American perspective) enables them more freedom from the modern drudgery of work.

“Relaxed” Approach to School
Even though Finland has arguably the “best” education system in the world, they may gain some inspiration from the relaxed Dutch approach to schooling.  According to the HBSC research, there seems to be a lot less pressure and stress among Dutch students compared to their Finnish peers. And somehow, with this relaxed approach, the Netherlands still the highest concentration of world-renowned research universities.

Chocolate for Breakfast
While the traditional Finnish breakfast sausages are lovely, who wouldn’t be happy having chocolate sprinkles on a slice of buttered white bread first thing in the morning? 😉

 

Mind you, life is also fantastic in Finland, especially when it comes to raising families. I appreciate the quirkiness of the culture and local art scene. I also love the ban on smoking in public places.  And even though they have dark, depressing and long winters, they’ve come to embrace light – great lighting design, safety reflectors, candles and cozy get-togethers with friends. I will definitely want to bring my family here to further explore the “Land of a Thousand Lakes” – Finland boasts 187,888 lakes within its territories- and of course, to witness the Northern Lights.

By the end of our trip, Michele said, “I already feel at home.” I echoed her sentiment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Translated by Terhi Vartia. For more details of the Finnish translation of our book, check out our publisher’s page.

 

 

Dutch Parenting in New York

3 July 2017
By

Manon and her Dutch-American children

One question people often ask is how easy is it to put Dutch parenting into practice in other countries. Obviously, a lot of things are dependent on the environment in which you live. A common remark is that without a safe cycling network it’s not going to be very easy to let your kids cycle to school. Other environmental factors such as medical care, schooling, and social services also play into local parenting cultures. However, some of what Rina and I wrote about in The Happiest Kids in the World is absolutely transportable. Simple pleasures, like eating chocolate sprinkles for one, or more seriously, encouraging outdoor play, teaching independence, and easing off on the pressure to excel.

During a lively crowd discussion on this subject at our book launch in New York this spring, an attractive middle-aged woman stood up and said that she was a Dutch mother who had raised her two children in Manhattan in the Dutch way. Only after reading our book did her children, now 18 and 24, realize where she’d been coming from all this time. It was a eureka moment for them. They now knew why her priorities had been fostering independence and a sense of responsibility and why she’d seemed so laid back about some things. The Dutch woman went on to say it had been a eureka moment for her too, ‘after not even realizing where it all came from!’

Last week, Manon Chevallerau was in Amsterdam for her mother’s 90th birthday so I gladly met up with her to discuss how she’d coped with the social pressure to do things the American way and stuck to her Dutch roots. ‘It wasn’t hard, not even as a single mother, which makes it all the more of a challenge to trust your own instincts,’ she told me. ‘I just stood up for what I believed in. I did what was natural to me, following the way I’d been brought up. I didn’t really think twice about it.’ As she was saying this, I realized what an incredibly strong woman she is and how she reminds me of so many other Dutch women I know.

Dutch women have a magic mixture of self-confidence, a can-do attitude, and a hard shell that allows them not to be swayed by what others think or want them to do. It was this, more than anything else, that allowed Manon to go against the tide. British and American women seem less confident as moms. We are more conscious of how we parent and worried that others will judge us. This fits with Manon’s perception of American women, too, though it took her some time to realize it. ‘They might be less in tune with their maternal instincts because of all the social pressures,’ she offered.

 

Manon’s Downtown mother support group in 2004

Not just a Dutch-style parent, Manon has also imported kraamzorg – post-partum care – to New York and offers her services to new parents as a doula. After her daughter’s birth in 1999, she started working to assist new parents, taking care of the tired mom, helping parents set up their house and teaching them all the basics. There was a massive uptake after the post 9/11 baby boom. Although it’s a long way from free state-provided care, just putting the concept into practice can show people how valuable kraamzorg can be and start them off thinking about the need for it. ‘Being Dutch gave me the ability to bring a personal touch into my services, with guiding during breastfeeding, baby care and understanding the babies personality and cues so that new parents are able to tune into that instinct and learn to trust it and build confidence. In addition, I led the very first Downtown NYC mother and father support groups and hosted Work / Life Corporate Seminars for pregnant and new working parents,’ she said.

After living here for 13 years, I have come to value Dutch directness and a common sense approach to parenting. Manon agrees it’s a good thing, and what’s more, Dutch women are powerful. They don’t let anyone else tell them how to be. Basically, Dutch women kick ass.

The Dutch Illustrator Who Showed Me My Child’s Perspective

1 March 2017
By

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While I was pregnant with my first son Bram Junior, I began collecting children’s books that I thought were quintessential for his childhood: Goodnight Moon, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, The Little Prince and Where the Sidewalk Ends. Like many parents, I’m a firm believer that no one can ever have enough books, especially from Dr. Seuss, Julia Donaldson, Eric Carle, Shel Silverstein and Roald Dahl. These were the authors that shaped my American childhood, and I wanted my son also to be enriched by the worlds they created.

But the one book that has the most sentimental value for me as a parent is the one gifted to me right before Bram was born. It’s called Nijntje aan zee (Miffy at the Seaside). And it was personally signed by the Dutch illustrator and author himself – Dick Bruna.

What is most striking about Nijntje aan zee – like most of Bruna’s illustrations and stories – is its relatable simplicity. With minimalist black lines and primary colors, the story revolves around Nijntje’s day at the seaside with her father;  how she got dressed in a bathing suit, how they built sandcastles on the beach with her bucket and shovel, how they went swimming and collected shells on the shore, the feelings of disappointment of having to leave, and of falling asleep on the way back home. It’s a universal, recognizable experience shared by all children. What may seem like nothing out of the ordinary and mundane to us adults is a world that captures the imagination of young children and leaves lasting impressions. And that’s where Bruna’s genius lies – creating stories and illustrations that convey a deep empathy and appreciation of a child’s perspective.

Upon hearing the news that Utrecht’s beloved son Dick Bruna died in his sleep on February 16th, 2017, like millions of other Nederlanders, I couldn’t help but feel it as a personal loss. Born into a prominent family of publishers, Bruna spent most of his life in the same quaint, charming Dutch city that I first called home. Being a resident of Utrecht – or the Netherlands for that matter –  Bruna’s influence is everywhere, from street signs near elementary schools reminding cars to slow down, to random Nijntje (Miffy) statues in various Dutch cities. For years, this world-renowned artist who sold over 85 million copies of 100-odd Miffy books was an unassuming, familiar fixture at a local neighborhood café, greeting fans and familiar faces.

Modern parenting these days is a serious business, from pre-conception all the way to adulthood (though parenting, according to many, also never really ends). We all aspire to raise self-assured, happy, successful adults who know their place in the world and make meaningful contributions to the society they live in. Yet in our anxiety to pick the perfect ergonomic baby carriers, stylish Instagram-worthy outfits made by the latest designers, and shelling out our monthly paychecks to create home-cooked meals using only locally produced, organic foods and ingredients, it’s easy to lose sight of what really matters. And if you’re a parent feeling overwhelmed and feeling that it’s just too hard to adult today, consider picking up one of Bruna’s books as a gentle reminder of what really is important to you and your child.

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Chances are, you’ll feel so much better and you’ll realize that you’re probably over-parenting and doing too much. Bruna’s stories revolve around the inherent joy children get doing the most normal, ordinary things: drawing a picture, baking a cake, playing a game of ball, going out to the park, riding a bike and getting ready for bed. It’s really all about fostering meaningful relationships with our young children by simply introducing them to our everyday world. Now that to me is absolute brilliance: a down-to-earth parenting approach in tune with the child’s basic need for love and attention. In other words, calm down and keep it simple.

 

As I kiss my two boys goodnight after re-reading Nijntje aan zee, I can’t help but smile at the idea that Bruna’s world of Nijnjte and friends all started as a way to connect with and entertain his young son during a rainy and windy seaside holiday. Slaap lekker (Sleep sweetly) Mr. Dick Bruna. Till we meet again, I’ll be celebrating my everyday life with my two boys, knowing that in the end, it is the small, seemingly ordinary things that matter the most to them.

 

 

p.s. Enjoyed our blog post? Well, you can read more about our musing of parenting in our book The Happiest Kids in the World. You can buy the UK version available now, or pre-order the American version or the Dutch one today!

Giethoorn The Fairytale Dutch Village of Your Dreams

9 August 2016
By

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Taking “inburgering” (Dutch cultural integration) to another level, I decided to take my family to a day out in Giethoorn. Apparently, according to Buzzfeed, Giethoorn is one of the most charming places in the world to see before you die. What is it about this obscure Dutch village of only 2,620 inhabitants that has garnered so much international attention? Why is it that around 200,000 Chinese tourists flock to this unassuming, quaint town every year?  


And what better way to see and experience Giethoorn than taking a two hour private boat tour with Smit Giethoorn. Plus, I hoped to get some insider information, pseudo journalism style. Our guide Jordy was more than happy to oblige.
So here are some reasons as to why I think Giethoorn is to be considered a place where you can live out your fairytale dreams:

 

A Village with No Roads

Who wouldn’t want to see a village that essentially has no roads and cars? Rather, the only way to access the village is by the preferred traditional method of boats, or by bicycle. And thanks to “whisper boats” (boats with a noiseless electric engine) reigning supreme on the canals, the peace and tranquility of the Dutch countryside of Giethoorn is maintained.

 

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Traditional Thatched-roof Homes with Perfectly Manicured Gardens

When you have a cluster of traditional thatched-roof homes with perfectly manicured gardens on their own separate islands only reachable by boats and bridges with bike paths, it’s easy to create a once in a lifetime, breathtaking experience. And what can never be replicated, not even by Disney, are the authentic 18th and 19th century Dutch farm houses filled with local families whose roots go way back. Giethoorn is not a museum or an amusement park. it is a thriving,close-knit community which takes pride in preserving its village and sharing it with the rest of the world.

 

A Nod to Dutch Tradition

Giethoorn was first established around 1230 by a group of fugitives from the Mediterranean. The village evolved when locals discovered a prized treasure: peat, a precursor to coal that can be used as an energy source when dried. The canals and surrounding lakes were actually formed inadvertently as the locals extracted the peat. Hence the canals are only about one meter deep and the surrounding lakes and waterways are not that much deeper. Giethoorn exemplifies the Dutch saying “God made the Earth, but the Dutch made Holland”.

 

Good Old Fashion Gezelligheid

One can’t really escape describing anything Dutch without referring to gezelligheid, an untranslatable Dutch word that embodies the feelings of wellbeing, coziness, love, belonging, and warmth. Floating through the bucolic village on a boat with your nearest and dearest can make anyone a sentimental fool.

 

Nostalgia
Giethoorn and the surrounding lake area also brings lots of nostalgia. The well-preserved homes, canals and bridges really do transport you to another time. It’s also a place where generations of Dutch children and teens spend the summer at nearby sailing camps making memories with thirty or so of their newly acquainted BFFs (sailing classmates). And naturally, it’s also the setting of wistful recollections of puppy love, random hookups and romantic happily ever afters.  

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Enjoying the Chinese Tourists

The Chinese love Giethoorn so much that they are probably the reason why Giethoorn made it to the most recent international edition of Monopoly, alongside glamorous heavyweights Amsterdam, London, Tokyo, Madrid and Lisbon. Their enthusiasm for Giethoorn paparazzi style is infectious. They’ve traveled thousands of miles and across several time zones just to see this unassuming Dutch village (as part of their Euro tour package of course). If that isn’t heartwarming, I don’t know what is. (Brilliant business idea to throw out there: wouldn’t it be amazing if a dim sum restaurant opened up in Giethoorn catering to the enthusiastic tourists?)

 

Genius Marketing

Dutch villages, towns and cities should take some notes with the brilliant marketing campaigns of Giethoorn. While Giethoorn is definitely unique in regards to having no roads, the country is littered with other villages brimming with picturesque canals, wooden bridges and traditional thatched-roof homes with perfectly manicured gardens. There are other breathtaking places in the Netherlands – the star fortified village of Naarden, for example – that remain off the beaten path or are virtually ignored by tourists.

 

Added bonus material we learned thanks to our Dutch guide Jordy:

 

Family Trees

Each house in the village traditionally has a white tree above their front door. The tree symbolizes the family. The size of the tree depends on the size of the family. The Smit family is by far the largest family in the village – their tree is so large that it needs to be against the wall of the house.

 

Goat Coat of Arms

The coat of arms of Giethoorn are two goat horns. Though there are no longer any goats around, it’s still a nod to how it was way back when. It is also the origin of the name of the village: Geytenhorn (goat horn) became Giethoorn.

 

Setting of Fanfare

An absolute must-watch Dutch comedy classic (1958) Fanfare by master filmaker Bert Haanstra takes places in old Giethoorn, way before the tourists.

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And while you’re at it,  come join our Facebook page for more Dutch gezelligheid. Guaranteed to distract you at work and help you procrastinate.

Is it normal…? Parenting a Puppy Part 2

27 May 2016
By

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 “Maaike did an amazing job taking this photo. Like small children, puppies are in constant motion”

© Maaike Koning http://www.maaikekoning.nl/

 

In my last blog post  I wrote that puppies were now being raised using what are essentially positive parenting techniques. Bad behaviour should be ignored and good behaviour reinforced with praise. I figured it might be easier with a dog than a child since you might not lose your temper so easily – we have lower expectations for dogs than kids (note to self: return to this in a later blog!).  We’ve had the puppy for a month now and ignoring bad behaviour has been the first thing to go out of the window. Positive parenting puppy failure #1. The thing is there are limits, if there’s one word you need with a young puppy, it’s a resounding ‘no!’. This is primarily for reasons of safety – both the puppy’s and your own. Gnawing at electricity cables. No. Biting limbs and extremities. No. Tearing the clothes off your body. No. There are some activities that just have to be stopped right away. I can take away a cushion and give the dog a toy to chew on instead, but when its teeth are sunk into your kid’s arm, it’s another story.

There is some less desirable behaviour that can be ignored. Taking a puppy out for a walk is like going somewhere with a two-year-old. They’re distracted by everything, want to run off all over the place and alternate between racing along as fast as they can and stopping, lying down and refusing to move. They also pick up everything they see, from dirty tissues and random litter to pen tops and plastic bags containing other dog’s poos. When my daughter Ina was two, she wanted to be carried everywhere. She wasn’t keen on walking. My friend Caroline taught me what she called ‘the boring hold’. Have the child walk and when she whines ‘carrryyyy’,  pick her up and just stand there waiting until she asks to be put down again so you can actually go somewhere. When Pippa lies down and refuses to move, I employ the boring hold technique by turning away from her and standing very still. So far it’s been working.

Another thing about being a first-time owner that is reminiscent of being a first-time parent is that gnawing anxiety about not knowing stuff. ‘Shit, someone left me in charge of a puppy and I’m not fit for the purpose’ is what flashes through my head when I have to do something complicated like take the puppy with me to a work meeting that includes getting buses and the metro. Travel plus being in charge of a small, helpless being is right up there in my list of nightmare scenarios. Anxiety also causes a lot of frenzied online googling. ‘Is it normal for my girl puppy to have something that looks like a willy?’ (the answer was yes, she’ll grow into it. Weird, right?). ‘Is it normal for my puppy’s poop to be a different colour every time?’ Sure.

And then there’s the mad hour she has at a different time every day. A friend who’s a bit of an animal activist and against pedigree dogs (he works at Varkens in Nood – which is like a Dutch pig rescue charity) happened to mention ‘rage syndrome’ or Sudden Onset Aggression which can affect Golden Retrievers and other family-friendly breeds like Spaniels and Labradors.  Apparently, they suddenly go all mental and bitey and there’s nothing you can do about it. Pippa’s mad hour looks a bit like sudden onset aggression, the whites of her eyes appear, she races around with her ears flat to her head and jumps up nipping at everything in a total frenzy. Googling didn’t help assuage my concerns but last night at puppy training, Martijn learned it was normal puppy behaviour. Thank God for that.

One final thing I’ve learned this month is let sleeping dogs lie. It’s when they’re at their sweetest, plus it’s the only time you can get some rest (or work done).

 

Parenting a Dutch Puppy

10 May 2016
By

One day my husband woke up and decided he wanted a puppy. This was the man who’d always said ‘over my dead body’. My son had gone around telling people, ‘When daddy dies, we’re going to get a dog.’ Well daddy’s not dead but he might be having a teensy-weensy midlife crisis.‘Better than a motorbike’ friends keep saying. But a motorbike doesn’t pee and chew up everything in your house. And barking is a bit like revving. I stalled for a few months but he really, really did want a dog and so now we’ve got Pippa, an eleven-week-old golden retriever. The kids are over the moon.

 

Perhaps Martijn was feeling nostalgic for the days of clearing up shit and vomit and being in charge of something small and helpless. Ben and Ina are 11 and 9 and, having grown up here in the Netherlands, remarkably independent and self-sufficient. Ben gets up in the morning, makes his lunch and takes himself off to school. He also makes his own way to his dance lessons three times a week. The Dutch have a saying ‘Je hebt er geen kind aan’ (literally ‘it’s not like having a child’) which can be used for many different situations but basically means ‘it’s/he’s no bother’. Very appropriate here. And Ina has just started cycling to and from school independently too. As a freelancer, it means I rarely leave the house anymore, which is quite good because when it’s not sleeting it’s hailing (this week’s heatwave aside).

 

Only now I’ll have to go out every two hours during the day to take the new baby for a toilet stop. It’s slightly better than changing nappies, but bagging up doggy poop isn’t much fun either.  I’ve started comparing puppies and babies and here are my findings so far:

 

Raising a Dutch Puppy

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Friends of ours who got a puppy last year tipped us off that rearing dogs had evolved in the same way as rearing children. It is all positive parenting and no punishment these days. Like with the positive parenting method so popular in the Netherlands, the word ‘no’ has been banished from the carer’s vocabulary. Undesirable behaviour should be redirected into desirable behaviour, i.e. give the puppy something else to chew on. And ignore barking.

It’ll be interesting to see how well this works – ignoring bad behaviour and praising good behaviour. I get the feeling it’ll be slightly easier with a dog than with a child. There’s less at stake and it might be easier not to lose your temper. We’ll see. Martijn and Ben have already signed up for puppy school

 

p.s. Want to get a glimpse of our daily Dutched reality? Come join us on Instagram.

How I Ended Up in Dutchland and Why I Decided to Stay

26 April 2016
By

 

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photo copyright © Gelya Bogatishcheva

 

Next month I’ll have been living in Amsterdam for twelve years. It’s the longest I’ve lived anywhere. Until then my life seemed to have followed a rhythm in sixes, from birth to six years, from six to twelve, twelve to eighteen, then the six university years of moving every six months, and then six years in London. I didn’t come here for love, though I did marry a Dutchman. Actually, I was married to a Dutchman before I lived in Holland. We had a long-distance commuter marriage and that suited me just fine. (One of my exes once called me commitment-phobic, but we won’t go into that.) In any case, Amsterdam/London on alternate weekends went smoothly, until I got pregnant. And the pregnancy worked just fine, mainly on my own, until it was time to almost give birth. It was only logical for me to take my six-months paid maternity leave in Amsterdam, so off I went, 37 weeks pregnant and about to pop.

 

The Dutchman (he’s called Martijn* but only proper Dutch people can pronounce that, my mum spent years calling him Mar-tidge-en) picked me up in a van and drove me and my boxes and boxes of books from my publishing job back over the channel to his home city. I didn’t pop. It was six weeks before the baby deigned to make an appearance (another six). But by the time I’d crawled through the lonely isolation of a maternity leave in a foreign country, I realised I was going to have to change my plans.

 

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photo copyright © Gelya Bogatishcheva

 

What kind of a fruitloop would try to bring up a child in London when all the advantages of a happy, relaxed Dutch childhood were staring me in the face? Friends back home who had become mothers were killing themselves trying to get from the crèche to the office on time and back again in the rush hour. There was no let- up of work pressure, and on top of that there was pressure to be the perfect mum. Perfect mums did things like teaching their kids to read and write before they even went to school, when would I have time for that? When I took a look around me I saw that the Dutch have:

  • a fantastic, non-fee paying school system
  • relaxed parenting styles
  • kids playing freely outdoors
  • a better work/life balance for parents
  • no horrendous public transport issues – you could simply bike everywhere

It was a total no-brainer. And here I am almost twelve years later. I’ve got two children, a son Benjamin and a daughter, Ina, who is two and a half years younger. And my life has stopped moving in sixes. Although in six years’ time, I may be tempted to move again.

 

*Martijn is pronounced something like Moarr-tey-n. Only the Moarr bit has to be nice and short, not elongated.

From the Cutting Room Floor: A Letter to My Two Year Old Son

5 November 2014
By

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Dear Bram Jr.,

 

When I was pregnant with you, I had lofty aspirations and unrealistic expectations. I actually believed that If I allocated eight months (my entire pregnancy) of doing absolutely nothing but researching and reading all the highest rated parenting books according to Amazon and the New York Times, then everything would play out according to my plans. I was the perfect parent before I had you.

 

Part of the plan was to be writing monthly letters to you inspired by one of my favorite blogs – Nurshable. The premise would be to highlight your different quirks, personalities and milestones month by month. Helicopter-attachment-parenting at it’s absolute best, or worst, depending on whose opinion you’re soliciting. Obviously that didn’t happen because this is my first letter to you more than two and a half years after you were born. As a firm believer in self-improvement (I’m American after all), it’s never too late to start now.

 

So let’s get to the heart of our story shall we?

 

At two years and seven months, you make being a mom an absolutely wonderful experience. I’m starting to distrust the common myth of the terrible twos. Rather, I would like to re-name this wonderful age as the “terribly, terrific twos”.

 

You are so affectionate. You love random cuddles throughout the day and insist on falling asleep in my arms.

You’re very clear of what you do and do not want. And while you also have your set of preferences, you’re also open to and curious about discovering the world around you. I pray that you never loose this. Stay true to yourself.

 

You love to sing and dance. I’m not sure where you got that from because your dad and I are tone deaf and each have two left feet.

 

The infamous toddler tantrums are far and few inbetween simply because we finally learned your language, rythm and schedule. You sometimes get upset and tears are shed to release your frustration. It doesn’t last long. There isn’t a simple explanation, perhaps an apology in order and a cuddle that would make everything better.

 

You are absolutely crazy about everything and anything related to transportation vehicles – construction trucks, cranes, trains, motorcycles, boats, and cars.

 

You love books and reading, whether it’s imaginary play reading, or one of us reading out loud.

You’re proactive about being helpful with household chores. Though it does take longer, a lot of patience and holding back my tongue, I’m absolutely delighted when you “help” set the table, vacuum, and load/unload the laundry. I’m afraid that the concept of folding clothes hasn’t

 

You’ve discovered the joy of stickers, coloring and arts and crafts. Thank God for your preschool to organize those things for you.

 

You’re finally sleeping in till at least 8:30 a.m. In my mind, that’s an absolute miracle.

 

You love being outside, whether to play in the sandbox, jump on the trampoline, lie on the grass (or trampoline) and stare at the clouds above, run around in the garden, “bike” to your heart’s content, and take walks in the forest right outside our front door.

 

You’re a foodie! Although you won’t eat everything, you’re always willing to try something new and decide for yourself whether or not your like it. You absolutely love Filipino stews like Chicken Tinola (Chicken clear broth stew with lemon grass), Bulalo (beef marrow stew) and Sinigang (Tamarind soup) and Pinakbet (Filipino vegetable medley stew) with a generous helping of rice. When you’re hungry, you would simply say “Soup rice”, climb up your chair and sit expectantly at the dining table.

 

And of course, you are absolutely crazy over herring with onions, smeer kaas (spreadable cheese), hagelslag (chocolate sprinkles) with white bread and butter, and french fries. To get to your heart, a warm cup of chocolate milk always does the trick.

 

I was actually caught off-guard with how enjoyable parenting a toddler can be. Perhaps I read too much of Scary Mommy and The Huffington Post. Rather seeing the humor of all the wonderfully witty stories, I became anxious about this stage and dreaded it. Sarcasm sometimes gets lost in translation. Forgive me for being wrong.

Being a mommy blogger, I’m also careful to protect your privacy. There are the things unwritten and unsaid that will remain just between us. Though part of blogging is connecting to the bigger and larger world, to commiserate and share our experiences, I’m also coignizant that some things shouldn’t be shared unless with your permission. And right now, at two years and seven months, I have the foresight to gage that it’s a little too young and presumptious of me to ask it of you. But what I can share with conviction, is that overall, our life right now when you’re two years old is perfectly imperfect.

 

I don’t know how long this stage is going to last. The superstitious voice in my head (a byproduct of having Filipino parents) warns me that providing an honest snapshot of my personal life would mean sabotage. But the reality is, and it took me becoming a mother to internalize this fact, is that nothing in life is permanent. Not if, but when. The only things we have my dear son is now, our hopes, our dreams and each other.

 

These must be the precious handful of little children years that empty-nesters long for the most. When a young family’s life can be chaotic and exhausting, but delightfully simple and refreshingly ordinary. For now, there’s no worries about school bullies, fitting in, grades, standardized testing (CITO and Common Core come to my mind), schedules governed by soccer practices and music lessons. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there (which isn’t too long from now I’m afraid). There’s also no dealing with teenage hormones, resentment issues, drama and a whole boatload of other emotional landmines that adolescence may bring.

 

So for now, waking up from the fog of severe sleep deprivation and exhaustion the first year and a half brought (and occassionally still does), I’m reveling in the moment of the terribly, terrific twos.  Thank-you.

 

Love,

Your Mom

 

(Photo taken of my son at the Kröller-Müller Musem)

Stuff Dutch Babies Like

3 February 2014
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Inspired by Stuff Dutch People Like‘s insightful musings about Dutch culture, I’d like to share some stuff that Dutch babies like. Or more accurately, what seems like almost all doting Dutch parents buy for their bundle of joys.

As a first-time anxious mom, I meticulously studied Babble’s Top 100 Newborn Essentials. While nothing quite prepares you for motherhood until the actual experience of becoming one, I somehow found comfort in being ultra-prepared. I was also curious about what other Dutch moms and moms living in the Netherlands bought for their little ones. After all, if my baby was going to be half-Dutch anyway and we were going to live in this country, might as well try to “integrate”.

Interestingly, I found these four common baby products that seemed quintessentially Dutch:

Stuff Dutch Babies Like

1.  A Bassinet or Cradle (Wieg)
It’s not a surprise that the Dutch who absolutely value gezelligheid (warm, cosiness, pleasant atmosphere), would also have a bassinet or cradle for their newborns. After all, a tiny baby in a cradle or bassinet is much cozier than a full-size crib. Dutch babies graduate to a full-size crib usually between the ages of three to six months depending on how big the wieg is and how fast the baby grows.

After what took forever to finally decided on a co-sleeper, we finally decided on the Bloom Alma Urban Cot. Not only is the Bloom Alma Urban Cot gorgeous to look at, but quite practical to have because it’s foldable, an awesome advantage for Dutch living. Alternatively, I would have chosen the Bed Nest.

 

2. Wooden Playpen (box)
What seems to be a staple in every single Dutch living room is a wooden playpen referred to as a box. When I first set my eyes on one, I was a bit startled because it seemed more like a cage. I soon learned, however, that the box is quite a practical thing to have. While I don’t know any parents that actually leave their baby in the box for long, extended periods of time, a wooden playpen in the living room allows parents to momentarily put their baby while they do quick errands like cooking, or opening the door for guests and packages.

A dear friend who moved to Singapore kindly gave us several baby stuff, including the beloved Dutch box. Americans have basically a similar version to the playpen, but most if not all are plastic variations. Personally, I find the wooden box more aesthetically appealing.

 

3. Baby bouncer (wipstoeltje)
Perhaps the American equivalent to a baby bouncer would be the swing. I have yet to see a swing in a Dutch household, but every single person in the Netherlands seems to have a baby bouncer. For our little one, we decided to go for the Baby Bjorn Babysitter Balance (Organic).

 

4. High-end Luxury Stroller (Kinderwagen)
While American parents ubiquitously question the practicality of a high-end luxury stroller, Dutch parents seem to already have their eyes set on which high-end luxury stroller they want.  If you’re driving everywhere (like most Americans do), than it really doesn’t make sense to invest so much on a stroller. However, if you live in a thriving Dutch metropolitan city like Amsterdam or Utrecht where walking and biking are the norm, strollers are considered investment pieces that are worth their weight in gold.

It seems like a Dutch right of passage for parents-to-be to head over a ginormous Costco-size warehouse called Baby Park in Gouda to test drive the different strollers. Thanks to the Joolz Earth Edition Elephant Grey stroller and the gorgeous canals of Utrecht’s historic city center, I was able to literally walk off 20 kilos with my baby in tow within 5 months, no dieting necessary.

 

 

Whether or not a cradle, wooden playpen, baby bouncer and high-end luxury stroller are actually essentials are definitely up to debate. In all honesty, what babies all essentially need are loving parents, milk (breast-milk or formula), clothes, diapers, and a safe place to sleep. The rest are simply luxuries that many Dutch households with children seem to have. Perhaps it’s also the generous child benefit allowance of € 191.65 each quarter regardless of income level that allows Dutch babies to have all these nice things. Let’s also not forget the Dutch culture of giving new parents pre-loved items and the popularity of buying stuff second hand.

What ever the case may be, Dutch babies (and their parents) like cradles, wooden playpens, baby bouncers and high-end luxury strollers. Do you?

 

p.s. If you like to waste time, come and head on over to my Facebook Page.

Monday Morning Coffee

14 October 2013
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This weekend was quite an unforgettable one with many firsts, especially since it was basically a three day celebration of Junior’s 18 months of life!

Here’s our weekend round-up:

Friday  A new, but dear blogger friend of mine just awarded me my first “blogger award” ever – the Liebster award.

On Friday evening, We enjoyed homemade Cubuano style Lechon (roasted pig) courtesy of Junior’s Ninang Rhea. We also made Leche flan (Filipino custard).

Saturday  We went to Dusseldorf (1.5 hour drive away) just to eat ramen noodles. These aren’t just any noodles of course. Thanks to modern day globalization, we’re able to enjoy to our heart’s content authentic ramen noodles flown in from Sapporo, Japan.  It was a pure delight seeing Junior have his first taste of ramen noodles from non-other than from a Japanese city renowned and revered for it’s authentic miso ramen noodles. And of course, as a nod to our Asian roots, we ate noodles to wish Junior a long and prosperous life.

dusseldorf ramen

We also took Junior to his first ever toy shopping spree. Now that he’s 18 months, he’s reached a new developmental milestone and in need of more toys to keep him entertained. At least, to keep distracted for three to five minute intervals.

Sunday We went to Hillsong Church in Amsterdam. Junior also went to a “creche” (child day care) during the service for the very first time. He was, of course, supervised the whole time with his dad. One of the most challenging aspects of moving to the Netherlands for me was leaving behind my community of faith. I’m still on a journey (which includes my husband and son) on finding a place of worship in Holland that speaks to our hearts and our souls. We’re a Roman Catholic family, but most importantly, we’re Christians who believe in having a personal relationship with God.

juniordusseldorf
As you can probably guess, Junior and I have a whole lot to process. It took him about an hour to fall asleep, sweetly babbling away on Sunday evening. He may not be talking yet, but I have a sneaking suspicion that my little man of few words is going to be one chatter box very soon.

Here are some fascinating links from last week:

The most fabulous IKEA hack EVER. Hands down uh-mazing toy to fill a toddler’s heart with glee.

Let’s all stop trying to live up to the Jones’. We’ll all be happier for it and a lot more financially secure.

Insightful love letter from a mom to her children -she’s on a mission to raise giants.

How big is your house?

And on that note, for a lot of people in the Netherlands where space is limited, here are some great ideas for shared children’s bedrooms.

There’s nothing like pumkin recipes to cozy down and embrace the beautiful, cold Dutch fall.

Happy Monday everyone!