While America has been transfixed with mining other cultural parenting philosophies (Asian Tiger moms, sophisticated French moms), Dutch parenting continues to fly under the radar. Ironically, Americans are seemingly obsessed with attaining happiness, wishing with all their heart that their tiny offspring’s future is a happy one. Shouldn’t there be a natural inclination to look towards Dutch parenting? After all, the Dutch are raising the happiest kids in the world.
But where does one begin? Intuitively, if I wanted to explore Dutch parenting, I need to start from the beginning – pregnancy and birth. Though to understand the whole story, I must also introduce the Dutch social-welfare state and proceed with caution.
Americans have a notoriously difficult time filtering out the American rhetoric of European-style socialism. There’s a general consensus, especially among conservatives, that the word “socialism” is a dirty word, belonging to the same category as profanity, dictatorship, communism, and flag burning. Hence, to utter the word “Dutch social-welfare state” would immediately be criticized as quintessentially anti-American and met with skepticism.
At the heart of the misunderstanding, as Russel Shorto ingeniously points out, is that Americans perceive the Dutch social-welfare as a “direct threat to their values“. What many would be surprised to find out is that the system was rooted in religion, established by devout religious people who had a genuine commitment to looking after the poor, the sick and the disenfranchised. Russel Shorto reminds us that “This system developed not after Karl Marx but after Martin Luther and Francis of Assisi.”
Having a baby in the Netherlands gave me a crash course in socialized medicine – and privileged insight as to why there’s so much happiness in the Netherlands. When I found out I was pregnant with my son, I had just finished my master’s in Health Economics and hence unemployed. My husband was (and still is) an entrepreneur. Rather than be concerned about the potential costs and ramifications of our situation, we simply called our health insurance provider and made the necessary appointments with medical specialists.
All of my medical expenses were covered under my universal health insurance basic plan – from weekly visits to my obstetrician (women tend to opt for midwives in the Netherlands unless its considered a high-risk pregnancy), regular ultrasounds, blood tests, nutritionist (diagnosed with gestational diabetes), delivery and postnatal care.
When it was time to go to the hospital for the birth, we simply walked in and taken care of. Mind you, it was not a clear, cut routine medical delivery. My water had prematurely broken, sending me into labor exactly at 36 weeks. It was a comedy in the making with a vague prognoses of delivering sometime that evening, the next day, or any time within an interval of two weeks. About ten hours later I went on to deliver a healthy baby boy, complete with an epidural, an episiotomy and a vacuum assisted delivery. There was also a pediatrician in the room on stand-by with an incubator just in case. We would stay for the next two days in our private hospital room complete with an extra bed for my husband to sleep in. I have a sneaking suspicion the financial costs in America given my family’s demographics (unemployed wife, entrepreneurial husband) would have been prohibitively expensive.
Delirious after having such an ethereal birth experience (amazing bedside manners of the doctors and nurses), I was ready to go home to be met by my private maternity nurse. She would pamper me for the next ten days and teach my husband and me how to take care of our newborn son. And perhaps best of all, she gave me the mothering that I was ached so deeply for. Is it a wonder for me to think that Dutch moms have it made?
I definitely won’t argue that there’s plenty of room for improvement with the Dutch health care system. I’m convinced that many Dutch would also agree with me. However, there’s an immeasurable contribution to the overall well being of a society when every mother and every child born in the country receives this kind of care and personalized attention.
Discussing parenting in the Netherlands wouldn’t be complete without first addressing how the Netherlands provides universal quality care literally from the very beginning – at the start of life. It provides valuable insight as to why Dutch parents are able to raise really happy kids. Ironically and arguably of pertinence, the closest foreign analogue to America’s Obamacare is the Dutch system.
American parents, please stop looking over at France for some guidance and inspiration. You’re looking at the wrong country over the side of the pond. It’s time to take a look at the Netherlands, the place with the happiest kids in the world.
Essential side-note: I’m still an American mom learning to navigate the world of parenthood, one day at a time. My innate curiosity lends me to question, observe and analyze how parenting is done in the foreign country I happen to live in. I’ve also not forgotten the essential all-American child rearing values of individual motivation(“can-do-it” attitude), empathy, creativity and perseverance.
P.S. If you’d like to waste more time, come join me over Facebook or make friends with me on Twitter (I’m feeling quite lonely over there!)
