The moment I stumbled upon the article ” Why You Should Absolutely Date A Girl Who Travels” , I was immediately inspired to write a spin-off. Hilariously enough, the article was a direct response to a blog post cleverly titled “Don’t Date A Girl Who Travels” currently going viral on the internet. Not surprisingly, there’s also one called “Don’t Date A Girl Who Wants To Change The World, Join Her” that made me say a resounding Amen after reading it. Here’s my contribution to the spin-offs, a lighthearted and obviously satirical take (with moments of vulnerability) on being an American mom in the Netherlands.
She’s the mother with the frazzled look, chasing around her toddler son on his loopfiets (walking bicycle) and making sure he doesn’t fall into one of the canals. Her dark brown skin pales in the soft Dutch sunlight, black hair tied haphazardly in a bun. She gets plenty of sunshine from her toddler who had the staring role of aging her ten years from the moment he was born. Although she’s a stranger from a different shore, she’ll entertain you with her stories if you let her.
Don’t be friends with the American mom. She’s socially clumsy. She didn’t grow up in your country and doesn’t know all the cultural nuances. Fresh off the boat, she assumed friendships were simply made by breaking bread. And she really wasn’t impressed upon her initial exposure to corpsballen and hockey-club people. She now, however, can enjoy pleasant conversations over a cup of coffee, or a glass (or two) of wine even among alleen maar nette mensen (only decent people) given the right circumstances.
Don’t be friends with the American mom for her enthusiasm, openness and natural high-on life personality might be a bit too much for the stereotypical reserved and distant Dutch demeanor. She’s passing it forward to her toddler son who greets every passerby with a wave and a hello. Don’t be shy to say hello back. She’s part of the loud, passionate kind of people who wear their hearts on their sleeves and will smother you with kindness if you let them. And if you ask her where she’s from and she responds “I’m from San Francisco” with an obvious hint of homesickness, please have the courtesy not to question where she’s really from. Ask yourself first if you would give someone with a paler complexion the same inquisition.
Chances are, she’s quite content staying home with her toddler, trying to make the best of a rather enjoyable, but exhausting period of her life. For now, she’s thousands of miles away from a built-in-support network of supportive relatives. Her only nagging heartache is that her son isn’t growing up with an Oma or Opa. She mischievously wonders if she can “Rent-an-Oma” to supplement his lack of doting grandparents. Don’t hold your breath expecting her to cry a river. Rather, you’d probably hear her roar from a distance or up close and personal, giving all the love she can to her little man and surrounding him with people who do care. Beyond her own little family of three, she’s also welcomed friends into the heart of her home and they’ve become extended family anyway.
Don’t be friends with the American mom because you might have to speak English. While she genuinely wants to meet you more than half way and converse in Dutch, she has her eyes sights set on raising her son bilingual. Her husband and her are strictly following the one parent, one language methodology. That means that she will only speak in English to her son and not let him know (at least for now) that she can also communicate in Dutch. She can’t wait to listen to her son sing classic nursery rhymes in her mother tongue. And after seven years in the country, she’s earned her street cred knowing intimately too well that the Netherlands really is a multicultural society that extends beyond the controversial, polarizing labeling of alloctoon (originating from another country). So please support their decision in raising their son a child of the world.
Don’t be friends with the American mom since she’s embraced the refreshing art of Dutch directness. She’ll also be the first to refute the infamous reputation of the Dutch being rude. Here’s a major light bulb moment- there’s rude people everywhere in the world. However, there’s also a clear difference between being rude and being direct. She knows that some people simply haven’t mastered the gentle art of being polite, especially if they’re speaking in a different language that they often don’t use. Though, she’s also learned not to let anyone hide behind the convenience of culture for poor, inexcusable behavior. She’s a whole lot wiser now, gauging the temperature of the situation and carefully assessing what is and what isn’t lost in translation.
She’s found genuine happiness in the Low Countries and she definitely doesn’t need any sympathy for being the lone foreigner in her Dutch village. She actually wished she moved there sooner because the Dutch suburbanites have bestowed her nothing but kindness, patience and acceptance (despite being mistaken for an au pair twice!). She’ll always be a city girl at heart, but she absolutely loves having a huge garden for her toddler to play in and the sanctity of not having to share any walls with any disgruntled neighbors. Many in major cities seem not too keen on the pitter patter and bangs and collisions of tiny little feet.
