“I remember you! You’re that brain that studied nuclear science at MIT right?” said an over enthusiastic, slightly inebriated acquaintance at a mutual friend’s wedding.
“I studied Molecular Biology at Berkeley,” I replied.
“What are you doing now?” he inquired.
“I’m a stay-at-home mom, ” I said as a knot started forming in the pit of my stomach.
“Are you kidding me?” he quipped back with a mixture of pure amusement and shock on his face.
I shook my head no and to add fuel to the fire of his amusement, I also blurted out, “And I have a master’s degree in Health Economics with distinction that I’ve never had to use.”
When in the midst of polite conversation at any social function, sooner or later the infamous “What are you doing with your life” question arises. Eventually, out of concern (whether genuine, feigned and/or condescending), someone feels compelled to inform me of what could be the biggest mistake of my life and that I really should be working for my own personal development.
I graciously smile and give them my standard response, “I’m perfectly fine thank-you very much. I’m beyond the point of tired, but I am grateful to have the opportunity to simply take care of my son all day long and try my best to enjoy all the fleeting moments of his young life. He’s only a baby once after all.”
Later that night, still on that special high that one gets when watching two beautiful souls professing everlasting marital love, I serendipitously stumble upon 27 year old Ellen Huerta’s Why I Left Google.
Though I’m obviously not as successful as she is, her story nonetheless deeply resonated inside of me. As the first-born child of immigrant Filipino parents, my self-worth was inextricably tied to my visible accomplishments, the kind that merited parental bragging rights and parties to celebrate just how oh-so-wonderful I was.
Adele Barlow basically sums up my childhood experience when she eloquently writes in a follow up commentary to Huerta’s article:
“The status-conscious parent who has worked their whole life to send their kids to the ‘right’ schools will be the toughest on their offspring when said offspring decides to leave the ‘right’ job for a future much harder for said parent to position to judgmental, equally status-conscious friends.”
Starting at the age of ten, a light bulb turned on and I discovered the secret to excelling in school. I became obsessed with getting straight A’s. What I was really searching for was the external validation from my parents, in particular that of my mother who would, hands down, put any self-proclaimed tiger mommy to shame. Out of respect for her, I will refrain from going into further detail, but I can assure you that I could potentially make any psychologist earn a decent upper middle-class income just to sort me out.
About six years ago, I decided to follow my now Dutch husband back to his home country the Netherlands. Taking a leap of faith, I somehow mustered the courage to follow my bliss rather than the pre-constructed future my parents concocted. I was going through a quarter-life crisis, unsure, insecure and quite regretful about all the choices I made up to that point. What life was I really living? Why was it so important what other people thought of me?
There in front of me was this amazingly gorgeous kind-hearted, goofy Dutch foreign exchange student completely smitten with me. It would be an understatement to say that the feelings were mutual. I was one of the lucky few who literally had my future husband dropped on my doorstep. I decided to take a leap of faith and live in a country I never had any interest in visiting, less alone reside in because I wanted to give the love-of-my-life a solid chance. I also knew that I would have been deeply unhappy if I hadn’t chosen love.
The answer to the original question from the well-meaning acquaintance should have been a resounding, “Yes, I’m currently a stay-at-home mom to my 16 month old bundle of joy. I’m also his teacher, cook, domestic help, nurse, psychologist, therapist, personal assistant and best of all, partner in crime in this crazy adventure called life. ”
I’m all too familiar with the bitter sweet passage of time. As my first born baby rushes through milestones, I want to be able to be able to record each and every single one and store each fleeing moment safely in my heart.
I’m also working on better understanding and practicing the third metric of success that emphasizes a life well lived was rather more important than having the life others expect me to live. I’m also embracing gentle parenting, grasping the bittersweet reality that my son’s childhood only happens once and I shouldn’t rush him.
Through all of my life’s ups and downs, there’s this one constant that has always stayed with me–my writing. I have so much I want to write about, to share with the world about what I’ve learned, what I’m still struggling with and just how fabulous my 16 month old really is. Thus starts my official other status as a mommy blogger. Please bear with me though as I do the majority of my writing when my baby’s asleep and quite a bit rusty just having woken up from a blogging hiatus of more than two years. I hope you enjoy what you read here!
