A Note from Yours Truly (And Speaking Event)

13 September 2017

event

Hey Finding Dutchland friends and followers,

I can’t believe it’s Fall already! How has everyone been? When I started blogging in 2012, I had no idea that the ideas jotted down on Finding Dutchland would eventually lead to a book. What was evident, however, was that parents around the world all have a common desire to raise happy, self-aware, independent children. And it happens that the Netherlands is accomplishing this en masse.  To provide a complete story of parenting in the Netherlands, as well as adding another (British) perspective, Michele Hutchison came to join me.

 

As a foreigner raising two young kids in the Netherlands and married to a Dutch entrepreneur, it wasn’t all that easy co-writing my first book. The actual writing happened six weeks after I gave birth to my second son Matteo. And it had to be written in six months. It was a whirlwind experience, and staying true to my words about raising “the happiest kids in the world” – there wasn’t that much time to blog.  

Now that the intense book writing phase is long over, interviews with the press and publicity are winding down, and the kids are back in school (at least, three out of the four),  we’re excited to pick up blogging again and will be doing more speaking events.  Join Michele and me this coming Monday, September 18, 2017, at the International School of Amsterdam as we talk about what exactly the Dutch are doing right when it comes to parenting. The John Adams Institute has kindly decided to host us, and we’re looking forward to such an eventful night. At the very least, you’ll get to meet us, up close and personal. We promise we’re quite entertaining and honest (at least, we’d like to think so).

 

Thanks for your continued support. Hopefully, you’ll be looking forward to more of our musings about life, culture, and parenting in the Netherlands.

 

Love,

Rina Mae

 

p.s. If you’re curious about our behind-the-scenes Dutched reality, take a peek on our Instagram accounts findingdutchland, rinamae and michelehutchison.

p.p.s. A perfect place to procrastinate is on our Facebook page where we share random updates concerning all things about Dutch culture, the Netherlands, and parenting.

 

 

(Photo by Rosa van Ederen)

What Finland Can Learn from the Dutch

5 September 2017

We’ve gone Finnish! Our Finnish publisher Siltala translated our book and invited us to come right on over to their side of the pond – Helsinki, Finland. And we gladly accepted!

We even managed to spot our book in a local bookstore downtown, have some honest talks about parenting with new friends, and immerse ourselves in Finnish culture.

What could the Nordic countries (Finland, Denmark, Iceland, Sweden, Norway) learn from the Dutch? They too have a very similar parenting philosophy – the importance of outdoor play, emphasis on play-based learning for babies, toddlers and kindergartners, and age-appropriate independence.

Finnish Journalist Anu Karttunen’s “Dutch Children are the world’s happiest – 5 things that differ from the Finnish Approach ” lends us her insight. Here are some things that we’ve learned the Dutch do differently, and the Finnish people can get inspiration from:

Mothering the Mother
Nowhere in the world is “mothering the mother” taken more seriously than in the Netherlands. Each mother is entitled to a maternity nurse at home to help her with taking care of her newborn and postpartum recovery. Sorry, Germany and the United Kingdom – though nurses do come by the house to do medical checks on a newborn baby and the recovering mother, they do not go Dutch – cooking, cleaning, teaching parents how to take care of the baby and allowing mom to get some rest.


Work-Life Balance
The Dutch Center for Statistics once again confirmed what most of us already know – the Dutch, by pure choice, work the least amount of hours in the entire European Union. On average, Dutch men work thirty-six hours a week and women work twenty-six. According to the researchers, because of the high productivity of the Dutch, they can work much less. Personally, I also think that the Dutch pragmatic approach to thrifty living and comparatively generous social system (from an American perspective) enables them more freedom from the modern drudgery of work.

“Relaxed” Approach to School
Even though Finland has arguably the “best” education system in the world, they may gain some inspiration from the relaxed Dutch approach to schooling.  According to the HBSC research, there seems to be a lot less pressure and stress among Dutch students compared to their Finnish peers. And somehow, with this relaxed approach, the Netherlands still the highest concentration of world-renowned research universities.

Chocolate for Breakfast
While the traditional Finnish breakfast sausages are lovely, who wouldn’t be happy having chocolate sprinkles on a slice of buttered white bread first thing in the morning? 😉

 

Mind you, life is also fantastic in Finland, especially when it comes to raising families. I appreciate the quirkiness of the culture and local art scene. I also love the ban on smoking in public places.  And even though they have dark, depressing and long winters, they’ve come to embrace light – great lighting design, safety reflectors, candles and cozy get-togethers with friends. I will definitely want to bring my family here to further explore the “Land of a Thousand Lakes” – Finland boasts 187,888 lakes within its territories- and of course, to witness the Northern Lights.

By the end of our trip, Michele said, “I already feel at home.” I echoed her sentiment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Translated by Terhi Vartia. For more details of the Finnish translation of our book, check out our publisher’s page.

 

 

On Teaching Values Versus the Pursuit of Wealth

4 August 2017

“Do not educate your children to be rich. Educate them to be happy so when they grow up, they will know the value of things, not the price.”- Victor Hugo (26 February 1802- 22 May 1885)

I’ve been thinking a lot about this platitude making its rounds on social media. It’s hard not to – my co-author Michele Hutchison and me wrote an entire book about why Dutch children are the happiest kids in the world.

My family and I live a comfortable, boring middle-class life complete with all the trappings of first world problems – doing endless laundry, complaining about the weather, and figuring out ways to entertain our boys during the weekend and school holidays.

But it wasn’t always that way. Not for me at least. It was always about the hustle of materializing the American dream – the clothes, purses, clothes, cars – and always dreaming of what it would be like to live in the fancier neighborhood. Rather than pursuing a career that fed my soul and takes the time for self-discovery, I was pushed to prioritize what would provide a more lucrative paycheck and prestige. In other words, I was raised to want to be rich. I don’t blame my parents. They came from an economically disenfranchised country where there was always an imminent threat of poverty. Money, or more accurately, the pursuit and accumulation of wealth was everything. And they come from a society where the value of one’s life is still measured by that wealth.

So when I stumbled upon Hugo’s words, it deeply resonated with me because of its haunting familiarity. Growing up in such a superficial environment left me an insecure, shallow mess which took years of reading self-help books (psychologists were beyond my means) and sympathetic ears to recover. And though I am immensely grateful for all the sacrifices my Filipino immigrant parents made for me, I want things different for my children.

I’ve decided, instead, to teach my children how to be kind, self-aware adults who value experiences and human connection rather the pursuit of material possessions. And I happen to live in the Netherlands, a culture that values virtues such as a kindness, pragmaticism, self-awareness, helpfulness, gratitude, and honest, hard work. It’s through these virtues, from my unscientific, casual observations, which fosters genuine happiness and well-being in children and adults.


And upon closer examination, the Dutch way of raising children isn’t unique at all. It’s how many of our grandparents and generations before us that were raised – a universal common sense approach to becoming kind and decent people. So how does one who is raising children with so much abundance – love, time, and material wealth – teach children to value what’s actually essential?

Embracing Connection with People
Create an atmosphere that values relationships with one another rather than the pursuit of material things. It’s as simple as starting the day together with a family breakfast. Focus on the conversation over a simple spread of bread, fruits, cheeses, etc. Or simply spending twenty minutes on the floor playing with your child, free from distractions from your phone and/or the television. It’s about making a concerted effort to be present and connect. And it isn’t about making memories for all those “special times” but rather in the everyday monotony of our daily lives – making dinner together, cleaning up, getting ready to head out.

Household Chores

From what I observed, there is no reward-based chore system in Dutch households. Children are expected to help out in the house because they are part of the family. There is no monetary value assigned to each completed task. Rather, Dutch children are expected to pitch in with daily household chores simply because they are part of the family. My five-year-old is responsible for setting up the table and helping clean up afterward, and my two-year-old removes the wash from the washing machine and into a basket. And both of them are expected to clean up their toys after they are done playing. They are assigned daily chores that are appropriate for their ages.

Fostering Curiosity and Learning Over Grades

The Dutch, like many other Northern European countries, have one expectation when it comes to school – it’s a place of learning, self-discovery, the fostering of curiosity, and learning how to get along with other people. I’m convinced that it’s important to nurture our children’s innate curiosity rather than stressing the importance of grades, class ranking and prestige. The chances are that our children may not be valedictorians, but we have a much better shot at helping them discover what they are interested in and developing the skills, insight, and self-awareness.

 

Being Kind to Themselves and Other People
Fostering and nurturing emotional intelligence can’t be emphasized enough. We need to be mindful of teaching our kids how to be kind to their siblings and classmates, to be able to fail and get back up again, to show concern for other people’s feelings and most importantly, to be kind to themselves. And a gentle reminder to be kind to yourself to as a parent – children, after all, have a special intuition for these things.

 

 

 

 

The Simple Message Behind Miffy, the Beloved Dutch Character

14 June 2017

Father’s day is around the corner, and I can’t help but think of the unofficial Opa (grandfather) of the Netherlands: Dick Bruna. With nothing more than a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and a desire to entertain his young son during a rainy, seaside holiday, Bruna created Miffy, known as Nijntje (pronounced nein-che, “little rabbit”) in Holland. With his signature gray hair and mustache, round glasses, and soft-hearted nature, Bruna reminded me of a real-world version of Mister Gepetto from “The Adventures of Pinocchio.” As Gepetto-incarnate, ever so humble and kind, Bruna’s brought so much happiness to everyone who stumbled upon his work.

Bruna had an innate understanding of the world of children, creating characters, settings and rhyming storylines that were as simple as possible.  Like a wise, kind grandfather figure, Bruna celebrated what we as adults often take for granted and consider insignificant minutiae of life but are held dear to small children – getting ready for bed, preparing breakfast, celebrating a birthday, going to the beach, visiting the zoo, and riding a bike.

For many Dutch children, the Miffy books are their first introduction to reading. Ina, the ten-year-old daughter of Michele Hutchison – the co-author of our recently published book, The Happiest Kids in the World – says, “my favorite book when I was little was Miffy at the Zoo. I like how the stories rhyme.” “The writer Dick Bruna died recently and that’s really sad,” she said, clearly still remembering the sense of loss that was felt across the nation, and reverberated around the world. My husband Bram often reads the Miffy books to our two boys, and bedtime wouldn’t be complete without a stuffed Miffy doll in our almost two-year-old’s arms.

 

Bruna’s stories evoke nostalgia in parents, highlighting common, everyday experiences all children are familiar with. Getting lost in the world of Miffy and friends gives us the opportunity to re-realize that childhood (and life in general) is really all about the small, simple everyday pleasures. “I always loved the drawings; they are so simple and colorful. They made the books really special,” says Ina’s eleven-year-old friend Noor.

For children around the world, especially in Holland and in Japan, Miffy is very much alive. Her influence extends beyond the pages of the books she’s featured in.  Miffy is everywhere young children can be found: nursery decorations, street signs warning drivers to slow down, schools, museums, parks, beaches, zoos, and airports. And for many Dutch children, childhood isn’t complete without the joy of Miffy. And as grown-ups, many Dutch people can still quote their favorite Miffy books off by heart.
It isn’t hard to imagine Bruna as an honorary grandfather figure in his home country, especially in Utrecht where he was born and where he lived most of his life. Despite being a world-renowned artist who sold over 85 million copies of 100-odd Miffy books, Bruna remained an unassuming familiar fixture at a local neighborhood café in Utrecht for decades, greeting fans and familiar faces. He would also randomly appear, unannounced to the delight of children and parents, to Miffy-related performances and events. Bruna knew the secret to living a life well lived, having once been quoted, “For me, happiness is cycling to my studio very early in the morning.”


Rina Mae Acosta is the co-author, with Michele Hutchison, of “The Happiest Kids in the World How Dutch Parents Help Their Kids (and Themselves) by Doing Less.”

 

 

Reclaiming Summer Vacation, the Dutch Way

1 June 2017

Summer has (un)officially arrived, or is just around the corner. Images of lazy days of children playing at the beach and bright blue skies at some exotic destination or summer camps in pristine nature come to mind. Yet the reality is, for many families, summer is a “financial and logistical nightmare“.

Most of us cannot afford to take the entire time off – ten to eleven weeks for American children and five to six weeks for the Dutch.  There’s also this unspoken, often self-imposed pressure to give our children an amazing, magical summer experience. And if we’re fortunate enough to be able to take a week or two,  there’s this pervasive idea that a ” fantastic family summer vacation” is synonymous with plane tickets, hotel stays, and (exotic) exciting destinations. Think a trip to Disneyland, lounging around Aix en Provence, an all-inclusive resort in Mexico, or doing some island hopping in Hawaii.  And with that naturally, comes the feeling of guilt and jealousy of others if we fall short of living up to these expectations.

But for the Dutch, summer is something that they all seem to look forward to without that emotional and financial baggage. After doing some (Google) research,  interviewing dozens of Dutch families, and reflecting on my own personal experience as a child and then a mother, I think I’m onto something. And I am convinced that the secret lies in embracing three complementary things: low-cost, down-to-earth activities, boredom, and Dutch gezelligheid.

 

Embracing low-cost, down-to-earth activities

What’s admirable about the Dutch is that they take pride in being cheap. They’re able to have wonderful, memorable moments without feeling compelled to break the bank. In fact, the less they spend, the happier they are and the more bragging rights they have. This summer, my family and I decided to have a staycation in the Netherlands. Be prepared for regular pictures of us at the local beach and eating our homemade sandwiches.

Some suggestions are:

Camping

Nothing screams a Dutch holiday than camping. Whether it’s doing it the classic way of pitching up your own tent, going all out on a caravan, or glamping. Camping is a beloved Dutch institution that crosses all socioeconomic lines. There are even camps in France, Spain, and Italy that cater to the Dutch clientele, providing them with Heineken, Dutch farmer’s cheese, peanut butter, and their favorite brand of toilet paper.

Playing Tourist in Your Homebase

I love playing “tourist” in the area of where I live. A trip to the local ice-cream shop, library, park, nature reserve, beach,  a museum can be glorious.  

Bonus if you live in the Netherlands or have easy access to the Low Countries
One of the best-kept secrets in the Netherlands is its white sand beaches. Castricum aan Zee, Zandvoort, Bloemendaal, and Scheveningen are our favorite, family friendly beaches to go to

 

Embracing Boredom

In an ideal world, I would love “boredom” to be the next parenting trend (second, of course, to going Dutch).  According to research (http://www.bbc.com/news/education-21895704), ” Children need to have stand-and-stare time, time imagining and pursuing their own thinking processes or assimilating their experiences through play or just observing the world around them.” Boredom, or more accurately, unstructured time facilitates this.

 

Dutch parents believe in the gift of boredom. For them, it means allowing children to simply play outside in their living rooms or the garden, or with neighborhood children out on the streets left to their own devices.

 

Dutch Gezelligheid

“Gezelligheid” is an untranslatable word that encompasses the feeling of coziness, warmth, love and belonging. It’s similar to the trendy Danish Hygge in that it embraces the idea of enjoying life’s simple pleasures. What puts Dutch gezelligheid above its Danish cousin Hygge is that gezelligheid is primarily focused on relationships, on spending time together. Gezelligheid is done with other people, not on your own. Let that sink in for a moment. Gezelligheid is really is about relationships and nurturing the ties that bind. Think sharing stories over a campfire, running around the sprinkler on the grass, baking a birthday cake, having pancakes for dinner.  It’s all about the quality of time spent together as a family.  And though we all live busy lives, if we can give them at least twenty minutes of our undivided attention regularly, it goes a long way.

 

Children, especially in the early years, won’t remember the details of their summer vacation but rather how they felt when they were with their parents. Recently, British child psychologist Oliver James even went as far as to suggest that taking your children on foreign holidays is bad for their mental health. Though I don’t personally agree with him in that regards, I do think there is a lot of truth when he argues that “children are easily pleased by the simple things”.


And more often than not, it’s the simple things – often that are free or don’t cost too much – like playing hide and seek at home, dancing and singing along their favorite songs, or having a picnic in the backyard, are what children consider magical. In fact, it’s all about simply spending time with each other. Dutch parents place a lot of emphasis on family togetherness, on simply being present with their children. This is what the concerted effort goes into – not the details of the actual vacation.

 
P.s. Does this resonate with you? Any chance you may be inspired going Dutch, parenting-wise? Well, we wrote a book about it.

 

 

Where There Are No Valedictorians

24 May 2017

 


Being class valedictorian is an honor for most families around the world. Graduating at the top of the class seems to be every parent’s dream come true – an official title bestowed to being the best and the brightest, with promises of a wonderful, successful life ahead.

Everywhere, it seems, except for the Netherlands. There simply is none. There is no broadcast system (award ceremonies) at school assemblies. Children and teenagers here are not ranked.  As my co-author, Michele Hutchison writes in our book, “In the Netherlands, however, it isn’t all about getting straight As and getting into the right university. Education here has a different purpose. It is traditionally seen as the route to a child’s well-being and their development as an individual.There are two kinds of higher education qualifications here: research-oriented degrees offered by universities and profession-oriented degrees offered by colleges.” Hutchison explains that in Dutch high schools, there is constant testing and grades, but they are not comparative, i.e., no ranking or position in the class.

So imagine my surprise and amusement when I stumbled upon Eric Barker’s Time article “Wondering What Happened to Your Class Valedictorian? Not Much, Research Shows.” Barker posits: “But how many of these number-one high school performers go on to change the world, run the world, or impress the world? The answer seems to be clear: zero.”

According to Barker, there are two simple reasons: “First, schools reward students who consistently do what they are told. Academic grades correlate only loosely with intelligence (standardized tests are better at measuring IQ). Grades are, however, an excellent predictor of self-discipline, conscientiousness, and the ability to comply with rules.”

Granted, the sample size of the research study to make such a sweeping statement is quite small – only 81 high school valedictorians and salutatorians were involved. Yet, the conclusions intuitively make sense. The current school system, after all, has clear rules and set expectations of accomplishments. Life and the real world is a lot messier with a lot more uncertainties and variables. Academic achievement in school does not necessarily correlate to achievement in life.

Karen Arnold, a researcher involved in the study Barker quoted, says,  “Many of the valedictorians admitted to not being the smartest kid in class, just the hardest worker. Others said that it was more an issue of giving teachers what they wanted than actually knowing the material better.”

Not all of us can just pack our bags and move to the Netherlands. What we can do as parents, however, is start seeing our child for who they are. So chances are if your child isn’t going to be valedictorian – which is highly more like the case because there can only be one – don’t be disappointed. What’s most important is helping your child discover their interests and passions. And isn’t having a happy, self-aware, resilient and curious child the best way to help them lead successful, happy lives in the future?

Foto above of my two boys at the University of California Berkeley, my alma mater 

This is Thirty-Five

23 May 2017



I welcomed my 35th birthday listening to the wise words of rapper 50 Cent, “Go shawty, it’s your birthday. We gon’ party like it’s yo birthday.” Except, you wouldn’t find me at the club. I  spent it by having coffee at my favorite local café with a dear friend, going to the village farmer’s market, stealing some time to write, and cooking and enjoying an elaborate dinner for a party of six.

I’ve also just gotten home from a whirlwind, four-week book tour and family vacation to San Francisco, New York, Washington D.C., and a farm in England. There’s nothing like a life-changing trip (first book tour ever) and a landmark birthday as the impetus for doing some serious soul-searching and taking an honest inventory of my life.

So since it was my birthday, I’m taking this opportunity to share what I know being thirty-five years young:


Less is More

There’s a reason why Marie Kondo’s “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” continues to spark a decluttering craze around the planet. Her tough love approach to only holding on to what’s essential and what sparks joy is transformative. Having less stuff really does lead to genuine bliss – I’ve made going Kondo a yearly endeavor.

Not Giving a F*ck (Valuing My Time and Mastering the Art of Saying “No”)

Sarah Knight’s “The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck: How to Stop Spending Time You Don’t Have with People You Don’t Like Doing Things You Don’t Want To Do” sums it all up. I’ve learned to value my time and no longer feel socially obligated to being around people and situations that do not bring me joy. In a world of saying “yes” and the real fear of missing out, it’s no wonder that people find it nearly impossible to have a work-life balance. I’ve learned that being able to say “no” helps me establish clear boundaries and to accomplish the goals I have set out.

Finding Joy in the Mundane and the Ordinary

A large part of my reality involves managing the household – laundry, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping and random errands. Rinse and repeat. There’s also being a mother to two little boys. I’ve learned to see the daily grind as signs of privilege and blessings – that we have clothes to wear, a roof over our head, more than enough food on the table, and the luxury to have a boring reality that requires maintenance, love, and care.

Being Grateful and Acknowledging My Privilege

It’s easy to count the strikes against me: I’m a person of color (Filipino ancestry), a woman, short, and not born with a trust fund. I also acknowledge my privilege as a middle-class, highly educated American married to a Dutch citizen and raising my children in the Netherlands. I am immensely grateful for this lot I have in life. And though the creative life (author) is rife with a lot of insecurity (personal and financial), inklings of self-doubt, brick walls, and frustrations, it is a privilege to be able to pursue it. Whatever successes I do have in life, it is also not something I accomplished alone. It’s because of all the love and support of kind souls, friends, family, and strangers that have helped me get to where I am today.

Saying What I Mean and Meaning What I Say

Horton, the elephant in Dr. Seuss’ “Horton Hatches the Egg”, once said,  “I meant what I said and I said what I meant. An elephant’s faithful one-hundred percent”. Dutch directness is one of my favorites aspects of Dutch culture. Though it might at times be challenging when speaking to American, British, and Asians and basically everyone else who are accustomed to more indirect and polite way of communicating, I love no longer having to second guess and wonder what people mean. There’s definitely a lot less anxiety and stress over it.

Loving the Skin I’m In

It took my thirty-five years to genuinely love and accept my dark complexion and my wobbly bits. With regular applications of sunscreen, I’m showing my children not to be afraid to turn their face towards the sun. Generations of backward colonial mentality stops with me. And since this is the only life that I get to have (that I am aware of), I might as well enjoy the only body given to me. Part of that, of course, is eating relatively healthy with foods that feed both my body and soul, and regular exercise.

Being a Work-In-Progress

I’ve come to realize and accept the fact that I will always be a work-in-progress. I’m only human after all. And that part of being alive is self-discovery. I hope never to stop wanting to learn, to always discover new things and let my curiosity lead the way.

Kindness and Love

Always choose kindness and love in whatever you do. It’s essential to living a life well lived.

How the Happiest Kids in the World Celebrate Their Birthdays

13 April 2017

happiest-kids-birthday-party

Children’s birthday parties carry a lot of emotional baggage for parents across the pond.Where I come from, parents, especially moms, are expected to throw the perfect birthday bash for the special snowflake(s) in their life. This includes intensive planning at least three months ahead, picking a theme, coming up with giveaways, entertainment and spending a fortune. There’s even a market for children’s event designers who go beyond just being party planners because they create custom experiences rather than generic events. This is all based on the premise that we want our precious bundle of joy to feel loved on his special day. And of course, in the air is that unspoken “friendly” mompetition. Whether the pressure is self-imposed, culturally expected, or an unhealthy mix of both, a lot of parents are under pressure to execute the perfect birthday party.
When did children’s birthday parties transform into these elaborate affairs? How did we actually get here? I readily bought into the idea that the more neurotic I was about all the imaginable details of my child’s birthday party, the more I could prove to my child and the world how much I loved him. It simply became second nature to me.

 

Rather, there’s a lot of anxiety, fear of disappointing their child, and being judged by other parents. No wonder that for many, modern parenting has become all joy and no fun.

 

So when I discovered that middle-class Dutch parents are still throwing birthday parties reminiscent of the 1970s and 80s, I was intrigued and to be honest, a bit hesitant. A child’s birthday party here still consists of cake, maybe a few snacks, a couple of presents under €15 and the chance for the kids to run around. After my oldest son’s first birthday party extravaganza (a Nijntje theme affair with over hundred people in the Chapel hall of the Utrecht Central Museum, complete with a catered buffet of 12 courses and a dessert bar), I started to have a change of heart. He’s a highly sensitive boy who prefers the more intimate setting of a Dutch birthday party – cozy and in the comfort of his own home. And if I was really honest with myself, the party was more to fulfill my aspirations of becoming a domestic goddess.

 

Now that I’m a working mom of two, I just don’t have the time and energy to go all out either. Not to forget to mention that most of our disposable income goes towards rent, food, and clothes.

 

Here are Some Tips on How to Throw a Classic (Dutch) Children’s Birthday Party


Limit the number of guests to the child’s age
It might initially seem a bit heartless not to invite the entire class and all the neighborhood kids, but keeping the number of guests small is guaranteed way of ensuring a down-to-earth, low-key affair. Also, the guests spend no more than ten euros on a gift, so there’s no competition or pressure there.

Limit the number of hours
Two hours of celebrating are more than enough. The idea is not to make it exhausting and overwhelming for the child.

Flag banners for decorations
Either make them yourself with your child or invest in some good quality flag banners that you can use for future parties (and other celebrations). For the Dutch, nothing screams “birthday” like hanging a flag banner.

Procure a cake and don’t forget the birthday candles
Either bake a cake with your child or allocate the cake baking to the local cake expert. A lot of children love baking, and you’re creating memories with them.

Sing Happy Birthday and blow out the candles

This is the anticipated highlight of any children’s birthday party – the Happy Birthday song and blowing out the candles. It’s really that simple. It’s worth mentioning that the Dutch have an affinity for getting into a circle formation whenever they get together. I suspect it’s intentionally done to make sure everyone feels included.

Bonus points
Dutch school teachers traditionally make the children paper birthday crowns. The kids love them because it makes them feel like royalty for the day (as seen in the picture above). You can make it a family tradition too!

 

The moral of the story is that children’s birthday parties should be something that we all look forward to without anxiety. If you’re one of the perfect moms of the internet and have the privilege of time, energy, and financial resources at your disposal – rock on with your budding Martha Stewart self! I’d love to follow you on Instagram (seriously!). But if you are lacking in some of these areas, or just simply can’t be bothered, keep in mind that low-key birthday parties are how the happiest kids in the world celebrate their special day.
Regardless of how you decide to celebrate your child’s special day, what’s most important is that your child knows that she is loved.  A great way is by focusing on the aspects of togetherness, and letting your child know how much they mean to you. The goal is to make it a gezellig atmosphere – an untranslatable Dutch word that embodies the feeling one gets when they feel love, and a special connection with others around them. A simple hug, the words “I love you,” and “Happy Birthday” go a long way. And I’m convinced that’s what children remember the most…

The Happiest Kids in the World Update

9 April 2017

TheExperimentHappiestKids

 

Hello everyone! It’s been crazy, hectic and wonderful behind the scenes lately. Our book “The Happiest Kids in the World” is now available the United States, the United Kingdom, the Netherlands and thirty plus other countries! Suffice to say; the Dutch parenting trend has gone international!

The chances that you might be a new visitor because of all the recent press are also pretty high! If you are visiting for the first time, welcome and have a seat! Feel free to look at past articles that we’ve written exploring parenting in the Netherlands. For starters, here is our first post that resonated deeply with parents around the world: The 8 Secrets of Dutch Kids, the Happiest Kids in the World.
Michele and I are excited to share some exciting news! We’re going to bring our message to the US!
San Francisco Bay Area

Tuesday, April 18, 2017, at 6:15 pm
San Francisco Bernal Heights Library
500 Cortland Street
San Francisco, 94110
Register for the waitlist here
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/naf-norcal-book-presentation-of-the-happiest-kids-in-the-world-tuesday-april-18-2017-at-615pm-tickets-32853681245
Saturday, April 22, 2017, at 11:30 am
The Reading Bug
785 Laurel Street
San Carlos, CA 94070
United States
Register here

***both San Francisco Bay Area events graciously hosted by the American Friends of the Mauritshuis and the Netherland-America Foundation
Washington D.C.

Saturday, April 29, 2017, at 1:00 pm
Politics and Prose
5015 Connecticut Ave NW Washington DC 20008
No registration required. Seating is available on a first come, first served basis. Click here for more info.


New York
and Philadelphia dates and locations to be announced in the near future.
Thank you for all the love, support and encouragement you have given Michele and me throughout the years. We appreciate every kind message on Facebook, Instagram, email, and tweet. We look forward to continuing blogging about our Dutch reality shortly!
Warmest wishes,
Rina Mae and Michele

p.s. Every single review helps a long way in spreading the word about Dutch parenting. If you can find a spare moment to write a sentence or two on Amazon.com, it would help us out tremendously!

p.p.s. If you like to procrastinate and to waste some time on the internet, join us on our Facebook page.

The Netherlands is the Sixth Happiest Country in the World

20 March 2017

netherlands-sixth-happiest-country

Today is the International Day of Happiness! And what better way to celebrate it than the annual World Happiness Report announcing the Netherlands as the 6th happiest country on earth! Norway came in first, followed by Denmark, Iceland, Switzerland, and Finland. The Netherlands actually moved up a place, from seventh to sixth. If you look at the list closely, the Netherlands also happens to be the “warmest” country in the top seven, or at least the first one with the most moderate temperatures.

First published in 2012, the World Happiness Report aims to highlight the importance of social factors that play a crucial role in the differences in happiness among countries. Apparently, happiness is more than socio-economic factors and policies.

The World Happiness Report ranking is based on a simple question asked in the survey:

“Please imagine a ladder, with steps numbered from 0 at the bottom to 10 at the top. The top of the ladder represents the best possible life for you, and the bottom of the ladder represents the worst possible life for you. On which step of the ladder would you say you personally feel you stand at this time?”

Further adding support to the Netherlands as being one of the happiest places in the world, the Dutch National Center for Statistics (CBS) also released a report today stating that 88% of Dutch people surveyed said that they were happy. That’s nearly 90%!

If all this positive news still doesn’t bring a smile to your face, today also happens to be the first official day of Spring! According to Grammarly, spring is a verb that means “to regain hope at the end of four dark months.” Chances are if you’re living in the Netherlands, it feels more like eight months of perpetual darkness and that it’s officially ice-cream and tulip season!

So what can our neighbors across the Atlantic learn from the happy Dutch?

Keep it gezellig.
Gezellig is an untranslatable word that encompasses feelings of belonging, companionship, coziness, love and warmth. Dutch gezelligheid is all about connection. While it may seem similar to the Danish word hygge (which is apparently all the rage these days), gezelligheid a more down-to-earth feeling that makes you feel all warm on the inside.

Make time for friends and family.
The quality of our relationship with friends and family is quite important to our happiness and well-being. Not to be too morbid, but not having spent time with friends and family is one of the regrets people have when they are dying. So while you’re busy pursuing your dreams, make sure to also include your nearest and dearest as part of that journey.

Aim for healthy habits such as daily exercises and a well-balanced diet.
According to CBS, the perception of happiness is closely related to one’s health. The healthier a person is, the happier they seem to be. Those who aren’t in the best of health tend not to consider themselves very happy.

And seriously consider starting the day with some chocolate sprinkles known as hagelslag on buttered white bread.
It’s how many Dutch children (and many adults) start their day. If you don’t know already, The Netherlands is the clear leader in UNICEF League Table of Child Well-Being measuring five dimensions: Material Well-being, Health and Safety, Education, Behaviours and Risks, and Housing and Environment. No other country except the Netherlands ranked in the top five in all dimensions! I have a sneaking suspicion that hagelslag must have something to do with it.

And isn’t it kismet that with all this “happiness” in the air, the Dutch debut of our book De Gelukkigste Kinderen van De Werld is going to be released tomorrow? In the book, we explore exactly why Dutch kids the happiest kids in the world!
Prefer the book in UK English? We’ve got you covered with The Happiest Kids in the World.